Down Side of Life

It seems all I ever do at the moment is cry. I can be having the best day ever but when it comes down to it all I cry. Sometimes i just wish I could curl up and die because nothing ever seems to go right for me. This weekend started amazing, got terrible, got better and now is the worst it could have ever been.

I honestly just wish I could come right out and tell my parents everything! Everything that's going on right now, and everything I've found out. However, I know that if I do it'll just make things harder and worse. When people say it makes life easier when its all out, I know they're lying. Life can be so much better but the only way for that to happen is to keep everything away from your parents ears. If they knew the things I've done, who I really am behind the innocence... They'd send me away, disown me, hate me.

My life is just too confusing to handle, I've been crying too long now and the room is spinning and my head hurts and my eyes are throbbing. Its not good. I just need someone to hold me, and tell me its alright. Even though its not... Even though only a few people know everything. I still feel sick even thinking about telling my family the whole story. Im scared of what they'll say, what they'll do... 

Life isn't fair.

Sophie Eleonore. xx

Rant Time.

Do you know what really pisses me the fuck off? When I make plans which I have to cancel because of my fucking parents. I was supposed to go to a birthday party hang out with Johannes and shoot a movie for my honours class this weekend but none of that is going to happen now probably because I'm most likely going to have to go to my dads.

Don't get me wrong, I love going round there, but when I have to do honours homework and my plans change, I'm pretty much fucked. I don't even have an A in her class, I have a B+ and that isn't good enough for me. Also, there is this birthday party, I've been super excited for this for a while too. Probably not going to be allowed to go, and I had to skip one last week too because I was at his. Then there was chilling with Yo! Like I want to skip that. I hardly see him in school because we have no classes together and we don't hang at lunch times.

Yes, I am extremely angry right now because last thing on a Thursday night, I'm told to get my bags ready when I was expecting to be able to spend a weekend in my normal house for once, but my mum is saying that her and Chris have plans and are going away for the weekend. I don't think the movie is going to be that long. Honestly? I'm fifteen, I can be trusted in a house by myself for a weekend anyway, I've spent a day and a night alone before. I wouldn't even be alone! My uncle and my step brother would be home anyway! What is up with that?!

I can't believe I'm not going to be able to get my honours homework done now. I need my step brother and my little brother together in one place with the field so I can record them fighting for the fall of my civilisation. But no, thats not going to happen now either. This is why I hate it when my parents do this crap! If youre going away, tell me please, so I know that I can't do things!

Thought that writing this would make me feel better but its just made me even more angry. Normally writing gets my anger out, but this is just making it boil over, if I'm not careful I'm going to start doing stupid crap again, which I really don't want to happen.

Not sure why I actually write this. No one ever reads it anyway, I'm constantly putting reminders on facebook and I never get messages from new people, always the same ones. Jess, Beatle and my Dad... I wish this would actually get out there, I wish I would have people from all over messaging me, telling me exactly what they think of this, and me. But who am I kidding, this is never gunna get off. Not unless a whole bunch of people were to promo it...

Hopelessly screwed over.

Sophie Eleonore. xx

Movie Night with the Famalam

So I'm getting better at writing more often! Thank Quentin for this... He sent me a facebook message and my phone kept bleeping so I logged on to sort it out. Now I'm logged on and have nothing to do. Now blogspot is open and I'm writing for once! It's amazing right! I've had people from my old school messaging me too (Jessica), nice to know I have people regularly reading this. It makes me feel kinda famous in a way.

It's my weekend with my dad and Cathy at the moment. I spent the night at Yo and Elise's place last night and came over here this afternoon. We had pizza for dinner and now we're watching movies. Coyote Ugly and Legion, a pair of great movies even though they are so totally different. But you can't just like one sort of movie, that's no fun. You can't like just one sort of anything really... You aren't living if you do!

So like I said I spent the night last night at the Wimmer place! Elise and I chilled out when we got in from school for a few hours doing homework, then she had to leave, at five thirty, to do a baby sitting job till half eleven. So I had a half an hour playing with little Sophia. She put my hair in pig-tails and a clip, and then we played barbies until Yo got home around sixish... We ate, then went up to his room to listen to music and flip through picture on Tumblr.

When Elise got home I moved back to chilling with her for the rest of the evening. We attempted to build a fort, but it failed kinda miserably, so we gave up. We ended up going down stairs, eating waffles covered in powdered sugar and syrup... They were so good... Then we pulled up blankets in her living room and watched half of 'Puss in Boots.' I fell asleep though, so she turned it off... It woke me up so we migrated upstairs to her room where I passed out in her bed and she passed out on the blowup mattress. It was a great night. Even though I laughed so hard a farted, which was extremely embarrassing...

Then, this morning when we woke up, Elise and I made bacon and egg sandwiches, which were great. Her parents had to go out though, so we chilled with Sophia playing games with her for the morning. Then her dad came back and picked up Yo, they went shopping, while they were out, my dad came round and picked me up.

Once we were home, I ate more bacon rolls... It has been a very bacon-y day for me today. There was even bacon on the pizza I just finished eating for dinner... We had three small, tiny, weeny pizzas. They were really nice. Now we have all retired to the living room and are watching our movies.

To continue, wuold just be repeating.
Sophie Eleonore. xx

Stressed. Out. Big Time.

Life is so damn stressful at the moment! I have so much homework, and all the dates its due are changing because of TerraNova and all the testing. Its horrible! Why does all the important stuff have to be due the week of tests, and why does your teacher not understand how to tell the entire class whats going on?!

In just one class I've had a presentation, three essays, two packets, finish reading a book and had a class taken up by course choice. All of which has been moved around. I found out tonight an essay is due tomorrow which I hadn't even started. Just. Fucking. Brilliant. I hate the teacher, its an English class and she gives us instructions in Spanish. What is this?! I can't wait to get out of her class.

It hasn't just been me that's been stressed out this week, most of the class has. Especially Quentin Isenberg, he is one of my best friends, he knows everything about me, well nearly everything! He had some things on his mind and I was trying to help him out a lot, honestly, it did me no good and just made me feel terrible because I don't think I got my point across properly. However, with saying this, he is alright now, and begging me to write about him! So I am, ahah!

We did our awesome performances of "You're a Good Man - Charlie Brown" (Quentin was in that too. He was Schroeder! and was awesome!). I loved it, the energy was pumping and it was just a great experience, I hope I can do something like that again in my life. I was such great fun! The audience loved it too, I've been told. I love it how when I'm walking around I've had people come up to me and tell me how great they thought it was. It is like being a celebrity. But its died down now, and won't happen again. I messed up once, but who cares, it didn't ruin the show!

I'm going to wrap it up now because Quentin is bugging me to post this!

I'm feeling popular!

Sophie Eleonore. xx